Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hop
by strongbad58450
Summary: A major spoof of the original Star Wars trilogy starting with Episode IV: A New Hope. Join Crash Bandicoot and your favorite video game and some characters from Homestar Runner as well as some characters you don't even know.
1. Chapter 1: The Beginning

Star Wars

Episode IV: A New Hop

Chapter 1: The Beginning

The usual Star Wars credits come up and is voiced by Aku Aku.

Aku Aku: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

STAR WARS!!!

Episode IV: A New Hope

It is a time of civil war. The Rebel Alliance, attacking from some barrier moon, has won their first victory against the Galactic Empire. They stole secret plans containing the information on the Empire's ultimate weapon: the Death Star. Wait a minute. Why am I telling you this? You all know the story of this famous movie series. I don't see why I have to repeat the whole opening again. Anyway, enjoy the program.

Cut to the area above Tatooine and we see the Tantive IV being pursued by an Imperial Star Destroyer. We all know what happens. Inside the craft is C-3PO, who is portrayed by Ratchet and R2-D2 being portrayed by Clank.

C-3PO: Did you hear that? We got hit in the main engines! We're going to die!

R2-D2: Beep. Boop. I can't believe I'm stuck with someone as cocky as you.

C-3PO: Hey, you don't see me talking about _your_ problems, now aren't I?

R2-D2: Can't you see we're being boarded?

C-3PO: Oh, yeah. Forgot about that.

The Tantive IV is being boarded by the Star Destroyer. Rebel troops are preparing for an upcoming raid. Cut to four soldiers.

Soldier 1: I think I peed myself.

Soldier 3: Ohhh, come on! The Empire hasn't entered the ship and you already peed yourself!

Soldier 1: Hey, I can't help it! I'm scared.

Soldier 4: Oh, I thought it was because of your bladder control problems.

Soldier 1: Hey! You said you wouldn't say that to anyone!

Soldier 2: Cut the chatter! Stormtroopers will be coming in any minute.

Soldier 1: This is no way to treat someone on their first day in the Rebel Alliance. You could at least cut me some-

Stormtroopers portrayed by minions from Crash of the Titans and Mind Over Mutant come in and a huge gunfight ensues.

Soldier 1: Aww! I did it again.

The Rebels retreat and the stormtroopers pursue them.

Next Time:

Escape to Tatooine


	2. Chapter 2: Escape to Tatooine

Star Wars

Episode IV: A New Hop

Chapter 2: Escape to Tatooine

Rebel troops have fled to a nearby hallway with C-3PO and R2-D2 near a nearby door. Stormtroopers have followed the Rebels and the gunfight continues.

C-3PO: Come on, R2!

R2-D2: You don't have to tell me twice.

Back to where the stormtroopers came into the Tantive IV, Darth Vader, portrayed by Uka Uka, enters and looks around.

Darth Vader: Wow. You guys really did a number on those Rebels. Okay, let's have a look around.

Cut back to R2 getting the plans to the Death Star like in the movie from Princess Leia, portrayed by Coco Bandicoot and her servant portrayed by Minierva Mink.

C-3PO: There you are, R2. Everyone's captured! What are we going to do?

R2-D2: We could use the escape pods.

C-3PO: Don't be crazy, little guy. I'm sure the Empire sealed them off. Besides, it's best we stay here.

Stormtrooper: There's two of them! Set for stun!

Leia and Minierva are captured.

C-3PO: You mentioned something about escape pods?

C-3PO and R2-D2 enter the escape pod and escape like in the movie. Nothing important.

Cut to two Imperial officers watching the escape pod.

Officer 1: Hold your fire. There's no life forms aboard.

Officer 2: "Hold your fire?" It got jettisoned on its own! How could it do that?

Officer 1: Do I look like an engineer to you?

Cut back to escape pod.

C-3PO: Are you sure this is safe?

R2-D2: I don't know. This is my first time in this thing.

C-3PO: You've got to be kidding me! Why do yo?u always have to talk me into this stuff?! Why do you-

R2-D2: Do we need to star this again?

Cut back to Leia and Minierva confronting Vader.

Leia: Darth Vader. The Imperial Senate will not agree with this.

Darth Vader: Don't act innocent, your Highness. I know you have the plans and I want to know what you did with them.

Leia: I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have any plans regarding your thing.

Darth Vader: Oh, yeah? Then how come there's a picture of you sneaking into my room while I'm asleep, stealing the plans and putting makeup on my face?

Minierva: The makeup bit was actually my idea.

Darth Vader: Take them away!!

Some stormtroopers are laughing in the backround.

Darth Vader: Oh, you think it's funny putting makeup on a dark lord of the Sith while he's asleep, is it?! I'm reducing your pay to 2%!

Next Time: On the Surface


	3. Chapter 3: On the Surface

Star Wars

Episode IV: A New Hop

Chapter 3: On the Surface

We now join C-3PO and R2-D2 on the surface of the desert planet Tatooine. They get a feel for the surrounding environment.

C-3PO: What a desolate place this is. I kind of liked it better if we were on Malastare. That place is populated.

R2 begins to leave.

C-3PO: And just where do you think you're going?

R2-D2: That way.

C-3PO: Well, I'm not going that way. It's much too rocky. This way is much easier.

R2-D2: Yeah, well I'm still going this way.

C-3PO: What makes you think there's civilazation over there?

R2-D2: Hey, if you've been around long enough, you'd know. Besides, I have a mission to complete.

C-3PO: What mission? You've been talking about it ever since we got into that escape pod!

R2-D2: I'm afraid that's classified.

C-3PO: Okay, you know what? I've just had about enough of you! You're nothing but trouble, you know that?! Go that way! I could care less what happens to you! And don't let me catch you asking for help, because you won't get it!

R2-D2: You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right. I talk too much. I also listen to much. I could be a cold-hearted-

C-3PO: Will you cut that crap out?! It's not gonna work on me!

R2:D2: Fine, do what you want. I'm going this way.

Cut to C-3PO who is traversing the Dune Sea

C-3PO: That little twerp. He's a fool for not coming this way.

He then sees something in the distance.

C-3PO: A transport! I'm saved! Hey, protocol droid in trouble! Will work for food! What am I saying? I don't eat.

Meanwhile, R2 is traversing Tatooine's rocky canyons and Jawas, portrayed by Shy Guys, are watching him.

R2-D2: That golden twit was a fool not coming this way. I have very important data that must be delivered if there is to be any hope for the Rebel Alliance. Why I-

Jawas ambush R2 and knock him out cold and they take him to their sandcrawler. R2 is then sent into the sandcrawler and reunites with C-3PO.

C-3PO: R2? Fancy meeting you here.

R2-D2: How so?

C-3PO: You were right. I should've gone with you.

The sandcrawler starts moving and we cut back to the escape pod site and stormtroopers on Dewbacks search the area. Close up on four stormtroopers, portrayed by Neo Cortex, N. Gin, Tiny Tiger and N. Brio.

N. Gin: Someone WAS in the pod. The tracks go off in this direction.

Cortex: Why do you think Lord Vader sent us down here? Does he think we're well suited for the job?

Tiny: I think he just wants us down here because he hates us and wants us to die.

Cortex: That means he DOES like us! Happy days!

All: WE'RE WELL LIKED!!

Doom Monkey: Look, sir! Droids!

Cortex: Yeah, great. We're in the middle of something right now.

Doom Monkey: But, sir-

Cortex: Can't you see we're happy that Lord Vader likes us?

Okay, this is going nowhere. I'm ending the chapter.

Cortex: Aw, come on! This is a happy occasion!

If you guys are not taking this seriously, I'm ending it.

Next Time:

Chapter 4: Luke Skywalker


	4. Chapter 4: Luke Skywalker

Star Wars

Episode IV: A New Hop

Chapter 4: Luke Skywalker

The sandcrawler carrying our two droids have stopped in front of a homestead and are lined up with several other droids so they can be bought. Two men come out of the homestead: Uncle Owen, portrayed by Fake Crash and Luke Skywalker, portrayed by Crash Bandicoot. Aunt Beru, portrayed by Tawna, calls for Luke.

Aunt Beru: Luke! Luke! Luke, tell Uncle that if we get a protocol droid, get one that speaks Bocce!

Luke: Doesn't look like we have much of a choice, but I'll remind him.

Cut back to the droid line-up.

Uncle Owen: What are you, some kind of protocol droid?

C-3PO: Protocol? That's my primary function, sir. I also play Blu-Ray DVD's, download music, instant Internet connectivity-

Uncle Owen: I don't need a protocol droid. I need a droid that can speak Bocce.

C-3PO: Bocce? That's like a second language to me. I'm fluent in over 2,000 languages, including Ewokese, Huttese-

Uncle Owen: Are you good with working vaporators?

C-3PO: Vaporators? Sir, I worked with devices that are similar to your vaporators, and-

Uncle Owen: Okay, shut up. We'll take you.

C-3PO: I'm also good with catering!

Uncle Owen: Shut up! Luke! Get these two droids cleaned up for the harvest.

Luke: But I was going to Tosche Station to pick up some power converters.

Uncle Owen: You can waste time with your friends and your college fund when your chores are done. Now, let's go.

Luke: Alright, come on. And the red one.

The R5 unit breaks down.

Luke: Uncle Owen! This R2 unit has a bad motivator! Look!

Uncle Owen: First of all, that's an R5 unit. Second of all, take the blue one. It looks like it's in perfect condition.

C-3PO: I think you'll like this one. He really is in first-class condition. I've worked with him before. Here he comes.

Luke: Okay, come on.

C-3PO: Now don't think for a second I'll do that for you again. I'm still a little ticked at you.

R2-D2: Ah, you'll get over it.

Next time:

Chapter 5: Hidden Message


	5. Chapter 5: Hidden Message

Star Wars

Episode IV: A New Hop

Chapter 5: Hidden Message

Inside the homestead, C-3PO is about to get his oil bath while Luke cleans up R2-D2.

C-3PO: Thank the maker! I've been dying to get an oil bath. Got to get all this sand out of my central processors. It's been itching me like crazy.

Luke: It just isn't fair! How am I supposed to explore the galaxy if I'm stuck on this planet? It stinks.

C-3PO: Hey, just be lucky that the Rebel Alliance is doing all it can to defeat the Galactic Empire.

Luke: You know of the Rebellion against the Empire?!

C-3PO: Yes. Do you support the Empire?

Luke: Support it?! I hate it! You don't get to do anything anymore! If you even speak out against the Empire, you'll be killed! The whole galaxy has to follow the Empire's policies and we can only buy Empire-brand products!

C-3PO: What kind of products?

Luke: Star Destroyer Crispies, Stormtrooper Monthly, How to Kill Rebel Scum in Ten Easy Steps, and we also have to buy a life-sized mannequin of Emperor Palpatine!

C-3PO: I see the problem, Sir Luke.

Luke: Just call me Luke.

C-3PO: Very well. And I am C-3PO, human/cyborg relations. And this is my counter part: R2-D2.

Luke: Hello.

R2-D2: 'Sup.

Luke: You've got a lot of carbon scratches. Looks like you boys have seen a lot of action.

C-3PO: Believe me, we've been through a lot in the past few years.

Luke: Well, little guy. You got something jammed in there. Were you on a star cruiser or-

A message of Princess Leia shows up like in the movie. Once again, nothing important.

Leia: Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.

Luke: What's this?

R2-D2: What's what?

C-3PO: "What is what?" I believe that Master Luke asked you a question. What is that?

Leia: Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.

The message repeats itself.

R2-D2: I'm pretty sure that's nothing. Some old data I forgot to erase. Nothing to worry about.

Luke: Who is she? She's beautiful.

C-3PO: I'm not quite sure. Apparently, she's asking help from someone called Obi-Wan Kenobi. I have no idea who he is.

Luke: Obi-Wan Kenobi...I wonder if she means old Ben Kenobi.

C-3PO: Who?

Luke: Just some old hermit that lives out in the Dune Sea. Bit crazy in the head. Always talked about some mystic life force and giant moths haunting him in his sleep. Sounds like she's in trouble. Play back the whole message and see what's going on.

R2-D2: I can't! The restraining bolt is making it hard for me to play the message. Remove it, and I'll play it for you.

Luke: Well, if that's what you want, I suppose I can take it off.

Luke takes to bolt off and the message disappears.

Luke: Wait a minute! Where'd she go?! Play back the whole message!

R2-D2: What message?

C-3PO: "What message?" The one you've just been playing!

Aunt Beru: Luke! Luke!

Luke: Alright, I'll be right there, Aunt Beru! Listen, see if you can play back that message for me. I gotta go.

C-3PO: I'll see what I can do. What was that all about? I help you and you refuse to show us something important!

R2-D2: Do you think he likes me?

C-3PO: After that little stunt, I don't see why anyone would like you! You're like a magnet of trouble!

R2-D2: You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel-

C-3PO: Not this crap again! End the freaking chapter already!

Next time:

Chapter 6: Missing Droid


	6. Chapter 6: Missing Droid

Star Wars

Episode IV: A New Hop

Chapter 6: Missing Droid

We join Luke Skywalker having dinner with his aunt and uncle.

Uncle Owen: So, you get those two droids cleaned up?

Luke: Oh, yeah. While I was cleaning that R2 unit, I came across some message for an Obi-Wan Kenobi. I thought it meant old Ben Kenobi.

Uncle Owen: It can't be for him. Obi-Wan's been dead for years. As soon as you finish cleaning those droids, we'll have their memories erased. That'll be the end of it.

Luke: Yes, sir. Hey, listen. Maybe I should get a chance to go to the Academy this year. We've been talking about it.

Uncle Owen: Your place is here. The harvest is coming up and I need you here.

Luke: I'm pretty sure that you can handle the harvest yourself.

Uncle Owen: Harvest is when I need you the most. I'll tell you what: You work with me on the harvest this year, and you'll go to the Academy next year.

Luke: But it's a whole year.

Uncle Owen: I promise you. You'll get to go next year.

Luke: Fine. I've gotta finish cleaning those droids.

Aunt Beru: Owen, he can't stay here forever. Most of his friends are gone.

Uncle Owen: I'll make it up to him next year. I promise.

Aunt Beru: He's got some of his father in him.

Uncle Owen: That's what I'm afraid of.

Cut to Luke staring at the two suns setting thinking that someday, he will get off of his planet and fight against the Empire. Again, just like the movie.

Luke: This is such a great scene. Now I know why everyone loves this movie series.

Cut back to the homestead and Luke activates the restrictor bolt, which activates C-3PO hiding.

Luke: May I ask why you're hiding back there?

C-3PO: It wasn't my fault! R2 has flown the coop! Left without a trace! Gone CSI: Miami!

Luke: What?

C-3PO: Okay, I'll put it in terms you can understand: He's gone!

Luke: Oh, no.

Luke searches outside the homestead.

C-3PO: That little runt has been nothing but trouble. Even I can't understand what he does.

Luke: I've been a fool. He's nowhere in sight.

C-3PO: Might I suggest we search for him?

Luke: It's too dangerous with all the sand people running around. We'll have to wait til morning.

Uncle Owen: Luke, I'm shutting the power down!

Luke: Alright, I'll be there in a few minutes! Boy, am I gonna get it. That little R2 unit has been nothing but trouble.

C-3PO: I feel your pain. One time, we were eating at a restaurant in Coruscant and he makes a fart sound right below me. Everyone started staring at me and I wedged fried nerfs down his hard drive.

Next Time:

Chapter 7: Obi-Wan Kenobi


	7. Chapter 7: ObiWan Kenobi

Star Wars

Episode IV: A New Hop

Chapter 7: Obi-Wan Kenobi

The next morning, Luke and C-3PO are in their landspeeder looking for R2-D2.

Luke: I think I just found our droid. Should take us about 15 minutes to get to where he is. So, you seen any good movies lately?

C-3PO: Well, I recently saw TIE Fighter Down with special features and audio commentary.

Luke: You like Empire products?!

C-3PO: Even though I hate the Empire, it makes pretty good movies.

Luke: I have to admit. The action's pretty good and the drama's top-notch.

C-3PO: Oh, so the minute I say that TIE Fighter Down was a good movie, you change your mind and agree with me.

Luke: Can we just get R2 and be done with it?

They finally reach R2.

Luke: There you are! What's gotten into you?!

R2-D2: I have to deliver this message to Obi-Wan!

C-3PO: Enough of this Obi-Wan Kenobi crap! You belong with Master Luke now!

Luke: I thought I told you to just call me "Luke!"

C-3PO: Do we have to start this again?!

R2-D2: Oh, God! There's something coming this way!

Luke: Sand people. Or worse. Come on, let's check it out!

C-3PO: He gets that recklessness from you.

R2-D2: How would you like a kick in the shin?

A tusken raider knocks out Luke and 3PO and R2 goes into hiding. The tusken raider is portrayed by a Spike. Suddenly, a robed man comes in and scares the tusken raider away. It soon approaches Luke.

R2-D2: Who are you?

The robed figure is revealed to be Obi-Wan Kenobi, portrayed by Aku Aku.

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Oh, hello little one. Don't worry. Your master's fine. Took a little turn for the worst.

Luke: Ben? Is that you? Boy, am I glad to see you!

Obi-Wan: Tell me, Luke. What brings you to the Dune Sea? It's dangerous.

Luke: Well-

Obi-Wan: We better go. The sand people are easily startled, but they'll be back and in greater numbers.

Luke: Really?

Obi-Wan: Yeah. Turns out that tusken raiders are actually big wusses.

Nearby Tusken Raider: Hey! I resent that!

Obi-Wan: Rahhr!

Nearby Tusken Raider: Oh, God! He's going to eat me!

Cut to Obi-Wan Kenobi's humble abode.

Luke: So, you're saying that you were once a Jedi Knight?

Obi-Wan: Back then, we were known as the guardians of peace of justice in the galaxy. In fact, we used something called a lightsaber, which is the weapon for a Jedi. Not as clumsy as a blaster. I have a spare that you can have.

Luke: Sweet!

Obi-Wan: It belonged to your father.

Luke: Wait a minute. My father was a Jedi Knight? He was a freighter pilot at Mandalore.

Obi-Wan: That's your uncle talking.

Luke: How did my father die?

Obi-Wan: Darth Vader. He was a pupil of mine until he turned evil. He helped the Empire hunt down the Jedi. Vader was seduced by the Dark Side of the Force.

Luke: The what?

Obi-Wan: The force. It's the very life force that surrounds us. You. Me. That dead womp rat in the corner. Anyway, you said that your droid had a message or something.

Luke: Yeah. I couldn't find out how to play it-

Obi-Wan: I think I did.

The message of Princess Leia plays.

Luke: Sure you : General Kenobi. Years ago, you served my father in the Clone Wars. Now you must help us in this time of need. My ship has been captured en route to Alderaan and I fear the worst. I have important data in this R2 unit, deliver it to Alderaan, blah, blah, blah. We all know what happens.

Obi-Wan: You must come with me to Alderaan.

Luke: What?

Obi-Wan: You heard me!

Next time:

The Horrible Truth


	8. Chapter 8: The Horrible Truth

Star Wars

Episode IV: A New Hop

Chapter 8: The Horrible Truth

Back to where we left off in Obi-Wan's home.

Luke: I can't go to Alderaan. My place is here.

Obi-Wan: I can't do this on my own. I'm getting too old for this. Why last night, I was dreaming I was being chased by giant moths again. You _have_ to go.

Luke: Look, I can take you to Mos Eisley, but that's as far as I can take you.

Obi-Wan: You can decide what you want if you must. But you must decide what you think is right.

Cut to the conference room in the Death Star. Imperial officers are discussing about what to do with the space station and how to crush the Rebel Alliance. Two officers are talking to each other, one portrayed by Ripto and the other portrayed by Dr. Nefarious.

Ripto: I think we're fools not using this space station to destroy the Rebel Alliance. We've got the ultimate power in the universe.

Dr. Nefarious: And what of the Rebels? Let us not forget that we still don't know where their hidden base is. We searched everywhere in the galaxy. The Emperor-

Grand Moff Tarkin, portrayed by the Evil Twins, and Darth Vader walks in.

Grand Moff Tarkin: The Emperor is fully aware of the situation and asked us to double our efforts in the search. Once we do find them, we know exactly what we'll do with them.

Dr. Nefarious: Yes, but let us not forget that they still have the plans to the Death Star. If they get that data back to their superiors, they will surely find a weakness and exploit it.

Darth Vader: The plans that you speak of will be back in our possession.

Nearby Soldier: That's not what he said when he wore eyeliner and lipstick.

Darth Vader: Hey! I already told you that if you mentioned this to anyone, you'd die!

Grand Moff Tarkin: Have that soldier arrested and shot on sight.

Another Soldier: Yes, sir.

Ripto: Nonetheless, any attack on this station is a fool's errand, even with or without the plans. This station is now the ultimate power in the universe! I suggest we use it.

Darth Vader: Don't let this recklessness go to your head, pal. This station is nothing compared to the power of the Force.

Ripto: Don't use that ancient witch doctor crap, Lord Vader. Your old mumbo-jumbo tricks are not even strong enough to match the power of this station. I can't believe I have to take this from a guy that had lip gloss and eyeliner on him when he was-

Darth Vader uses Force Grip on Ripto. Ripto is then choking.

Darth Vader: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Grand Moff Tarkin: Enough of this! Vader, release him!

Darth Vader: As you wish.

Vader releases Ripto.

Grand Moff Tarkin: This is childish! I will not have this sort of smut on my station! You don't get to have any ice cream for that.

Darth Vader: He called me names.

Grand Moff Tarkin: You're a Sith lord, not some immature Twi'lek. Anyway, the plans _will_ be recovered and the Rebel base _will_ be revealed to us. We just have to keep looking. And I think I know _just _where to start.

Cut back to a damaged sandcrawler.

Luke: Look at this. All these Jawas are dead. Sand people. There's rifles everywhere.

Obi-Wan: That's what they want you to think. These tracks are side by side. Sand people walk in single fire to hide their numbers.

Nearby Tusken Raider: We also break into your homes and steal all your food.

Obi-Wan: Rahhr!

Tusken Raider: Oh, God! He's going to eat me!

Obi-Wan: Anyway, these blast points are also accurate. A little _too_ accurate. They're from stormtroopers.

Luke: Why would stormtroopers kill Jawas? Wait a minute. These are the same Jawas that sold me the droids. If they told them who they sold the robots to and that would lead them...HOME!

Obi-Wan: Luke! It's too dangerous!

Luke rushes home and finds the homestead up in smoke.

Luke: Uncle Owen! Aunt Beru! Uncle Owen!

He then discovers human remains near the entrance. Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. They have been killed by the Empire.

Next Time:

Chapter 9: Mos Eisley Spaceport


	9. Chapter 9: Mos Eisley Spaceport

Star Wars

Episode IV: A New Hop

Chapter 9: Mos Eisley Spaceport

Cut back to the Death Star where Darth Vader enter's Princess Leia's cell.

Darth Vader: And now, your Highness, we will discuss the location of your hidden Rebel base.

A mind probe, voiced by Strong Bad, comes in.

Mind Probe: Okay, you'd better have a good reason for dragging me down here because I have to-

It notices Leia and Minierva

Mind Probe: Well, hello ladies. What do you say you and me go get us some fresh acklay legs? I think I'm going to enjoy this session.

Okay, that's enough. Cut back to the sandcrawler where Luke is coming back from the homestead and C-3PO is burning the dead Jawas. No way to treat the dead.

Obi-Wan: There was nothing you could do. If you were there, you would've been killed and the droids would be in the hands of the Empire.

C-3PO: I wouldn't want that.

R2-D2: Tell me about it.

Luke: I want to go with you to Alderaan. There's nothing here for me now. I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi like my father.

Obi-Wan: Well, we can't do it standing around here. I think I know where we should go next.

All four travel together on the landspeeder and R2 falls out the back.

R2-D2: CRAAAAP!!!

They stop on a nearby canyon and R2 eventually catches up. They see a city over the horizon.

Obi-Wan: Mos Eisley Spaceport. You will never find a wretched place full of scum and villainy.

Luke: Sounds perfect.

As they drive into Mos Eisley, they are stopped by Cortex and the gang.

Cortex: Hey, do you know where the bathrooms are? We can't seem to find them anywhere.

N. Gin: My bladder feels like it's going to explode.

Tiny: Let me handle this. Tell us where the bathrooms are or we'll shoot you on sight!

N. Brio: What he said!

Obi-Wan: You take a left and walk down about 40,000 miles from here.

Cortex: Thanks!

Luke parks the landspeeder in front of a cantina.

Luke: I can't believe that we got past those troops. I thought we were dead.

Obi-Wan: The Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded.

Luke: Really?

Obi-Wan: No. Those guys were just really stupid. But it _does_ work on someone that's not them.

Luke: Anyway, you really think we'll find a pilot in this cantina?

Obi-Wan: Stranger things have happened.

Luke: Yeah, like those troops.

C-3PO: Come on, R2. You can pee once we go inside.

R2-D2: Good. Because I've been holding it ever since we drove on the way over here.

They enter the Cantina.

Next Time:

Chapter 10: Han Solo


	10. Chapter 10: Han Solo

Star Wars

Episode IV: A New Hop

Chapter 10: Han Solo

Inside the cantina, we see a whole bunch of aliens like in the movie. Some are portrayed by Shroobs, Technomites, Riptocs, Ninja Penguins, Heartless, Nobodies, King Kaliente's alien things, etc. The bartender is portrayed as Bubs from Homestar Runner.

Bartender: Hey, every aliens! Come by my bar and get yourself something nice and soothing! We got Dewback soda, fresh Nexu, broiled Banthas and dead Jawas.

He notices the droids.

Bartender: Hey! We don't serve to droids here! The last time I gave something to a droid, they gave me used motor oil and a severed arm from a Rodian from a nearby dumpster.

Luke: Maybe you should wait outside. We already have enough problems.

C-3PO: I couldn't agree more. Besides, that motor oil was about two months old and was almost never used. And I couldn't find a fresh Rodian because the nearest one was sitting in a dumpster for two weeks.

Luke and Obi-Wan approach the bar.

Luke: Excuse me, can I have a glass of water?

Bartender: Certainly! Fresh water from Naboo coming right up!

Suddenly, Ponda, portrayed by Ripper Roo, and Evazan, portrayed by Dingodile, approach Luke.

Ponda: Hey, punk. That's my water!

Evazan: He doesn't like you.

Luke: Sorry.

Evazan: I don't like you either, mate. You'd better watch yourself. We're wanted men. I have the death sentence on twelve systems.

Luke: I'll be careful.

Evazan: You'll be dead!

Bartender: Hey! No fighting here! If you want to fight properly, use a broken end of a bottle. I think I have one in storage. Let me take a look...

Obi-Wan cuts off Ponda's hand.

Evazan: Check, please!

Obi-Wan: Come, Luke. I think I found us a pilot.

Cut to table with Obi-Wan and Luke meeting with Han Solo, portrayed by a made-up character by a friend named William Black named Raccoon Joe, and Chewbacca, portrayed by Crunch.

Obi-Wan: So, I've reason to believe that you're a professional pilot.

Han Solo: Well, you came to the right place, pardner. I'm Han Solo. Captain of the Millenium Falcon and this here's my partner, Chewie.

Chewbacca makes gargling noises and makes a swallowing sound.

Chewbacca: Mm! That good water!

Luke: The Millenium Falcon, huh? Is it fast?

Han Solo: Are you kidding? It's the fastest ship in the galaxy. It made the Kessel run in twelve parsecs.

Luke: What's a parsec?

Han Solo: I don't know. I'm a smuggler, not a mathematician. Anyway, my services don't come cheap. This ride to Alderaan is going to cost you 10,000.

Luke: 10,000? We could buy our own ship with that. We don't have to sit here and listen to him-

Obi-Wan: Luke!

Han Solo: 10,000. Take it or leave it.

Obi-Wan: How about this. We pay you 15,000 now, plus another 2,000 once we reach Alderaan.

Han Solo: That makes a total of 17,000. Quite a bargain. What do you think, Chewie?

Chewbacca: I'd say go for it!

Han Solo: Alright. You've got yourselves a ship. Meet us in Docking Bay 94.

Luke and Obi-Wan leave.

Han Solo: This is great! We get to finally pay off Jabba in a big way.

Greedo, portrayed by Homestar Runner, approaches Han.

Greedo: Going somewhere, Solo?

Han Solo: Yes, Greedo. I was on your way to see your boss.

Greedo: It's too late for that. You should've payed off Jabba when you had the chance. Jabba has placed a bounty on your head so big, every bounty hunter in the galaxy is hunting for you. Even your archenemy, Boba Fett. I'm lucky I found you first before she did.

Han Solo: This time, I've got the money.

Greedo: This one time, I bought the very first lottery ticket and I automatically won 100,000 credits and spent it all on Fluffy Puff Nerfs. They were the tastiest treats I ever had. And this one time, I asked Pom Pom to come over to my house to play 52 times I've locked myself out of my house and-

Han shoots Greedo and suddenly leaves. The bartender comes back with a broken bottle.

Bartender: I'm back with the bottle. There wasn't anymore in stock so I had to make a new one. Hey, where did that guy go?

The bartender hands the bottle to a nearby Technomite.

Bartender: You want a broken bottle?

Next time:

Chapter 11: Leaving Tatooine


	11. Chapter 11: Leaving Tatooine

Star Wars

Episode IV: A New Hop

Chapter 11: Leaving Tatooine

The scene opens with Luke, Obi-Wan and the droids entering Docking Bay 94. Han Solo and Chewbacca are preparing the Millenium Falcon.

Luke: What a piece of junk!

Han Solo: Hey! This ship _is _fast, pardner. If you think it's a piece of junk, you can ride on the thrusters! Now, how about you get on the ship so that we can get out of here?

Stormtroopers walk in.

Voodoo Bunny Trooper: Stop that ship! Blast them!

A gunfight ensues and Han retreats into the Falcon.

Han Solo: Chewie, get us out of here!

The Falcon takes off and leaves Tatooine. Two star destroyers are seen. Cut into the cockpit of the Falcon.

Han Solo: We've got two Imperial cruisers coming in! Chewie, prep the navi-computer to make the jump to lightspeed!

Chewbacca: Got it, sir!

Luke: What are we going to do?! They're gaining on us! You said this thing was fast!

Han Solo: Do you want to start this crap again?! I can handle this! Besides, I know a few maneuvers. We'll lose them.

The Millenium Falcon is being fired upon by a star destroyer. Cut back into the cockpit.

Luke: That was your maneuver? Moving slightly to the right?

Han Solo: I had to take a potty emergency.

Luke: We're being attacked by a star destroyer and you're going to the bathroom?!

Han Solo: Get off my back already! We're about to enter the jump to lightspeed!

Lightspeed time. The ship escapes and we cut to the Death Star approaching Alderaan. Inside the Death Star, Grand Moff Tarkin is waiting for Vader to come back with Leia. Leia and Darth Vader confront Grand Moff Tarkin.

Leia: Governor Tarkin! I recognized that stench the minute I set foot in this room.

Grand Moff Tarkin: That's real mature. You know that I shower on a daily basis.

Darth Vader: I don't. Sorry.

Grand Moff Tarkin: Anywho, I'm glad that you can make it, your Highness. You are about to witness the power of this battle station.

Leia: The more you tighten your grip, the more galaxies will slip through your fingers.

Grand Moff Tarkin: Well, seeing as how the mind probe didn't get you or your servant to tell us the location of the Rebel Base-

Cut to the damaged mind probe.

Mind Probe: I ask you to dinner and you wedge a metal pipe in me? It wasn't as bad when your servant took out my needle and wedged it in my eye.

Cut back to Tarkin, Leia and Vader.

Grand Moff Tarkin: We have decided to use an alternative use of interrogation. Since you refuse to give us the location, we have decided to test the Death Star on your home planet of Alderaan.

Leia: No! There's thousands of innocent people and we have no weapons-

Grand Moff Tarkin: You prefer another target? One less populated? Then name the system! I grow tired of asking, and you've got one more chance: Where is the Rebel base?

Leia: Dantooine.

Grand Moff Tarkin: There. You see, Lord Vader? She can be reasoned with.

Darth Vader: You don't have to rub it in my face.

Nearby Soldier: Like rubbing talcum powder on you is different.

Darth Vader: Alright! The next person who talks about the makeup is dead!

Grand Moff Tarkin: Have that soldier shot. Anyway, continue with the target. You may fire when ready.

Leia: What?!

Grand Moff Tarkin: You're much too trusting. Dantooine is too remote a place to test. But don't worry. We'll deal with your Rebel friends soon enough.

Leia: No!

Death Star Ratnician: Commence primary ignition.

The Death Star fires and destroys Alderaan.

Next Time:

Chapter 12: Captured by the Enemy


	12. Chapter 12: Captured by the Enemy

Star Wars

Episode IV: A New Hop

Chapter 12: Captured by the Enemy

Inside the Millenium Falcon, Luke is training with his lightsaber to learn the ways of the Force. Obi-Wan then feels something.

Luke: What's wrong?

Obi-Wan: I sense a disturbance in the Force. Like a thousand voices crying out and then silenced. Another memorable quote. Anyway, you should continue with your training.

Han enters and watches Luke practice. Luke is then hit by the controller again.

Han Solo: Ha! You're gonna get yourself killed without a good blaster by your side.

Luke: You don't believe in the Force, do you?

Han Solo: Kid, I've been around the galaxy for a while and if there's one thing I know, it's that I don't believe in that voodoo crap. It's just fancy magic and hat tricks.

Obi-Wan grabs a helmet, like in the movie.

Obi-Wan: I want you to try again. But this time, let go of all your senses and focus on the mind.

Luke is then wearing the helmet.

Luke: With the blast shield down, I can't even see. How am I supposed to fight?

Obi-Wan: Your eyes can deceive you. You cannot trust what is in front of you.

Luke tries and then succeeds.

Han Solo: I call it luck.

Obi-Wan: In my sense, there's no such thing as luck.

Alarm blares.

Han Solo: Sounds like we're at our destination, boys!

Cut to the cockpit and the Millenium Falcon drops out of hyperspace to reveal nothing but rocks and rubble.

Han Solo: Hey! What gives? We're at our destination, but where's Alderaan?

Obi-Wan: It was destroyed by the Empire.

Han Solo: Impossible. It would take a thousand ships to do that.

A TIE Fighter comes in front of the ship.

Han Solo: A TIE Fighter! There are no ships around. Where did it come from?

Luke: It looks like it's in a hurry. In fact, it's heading for that small moon.

Obi-Wan: That's no moon. It's a space station. Yet another memorable quote.

It is revealed to be the Death Star itself. The Millenium Falcon is shaking.

Han Solo: Crap! We're caught in the tractor beam! Chewie, shut down the power! They're not taking me without a fight.

Obi-Wan: You can't win. But there are alternatives to fighting.

Luke: Like what?

Obi-Wan: I don't know. Just roll with me here.

Soon, the Millenium Falcon is pulled into the Death Star's hangar. Troops are mobilizing in front of the Falcon. Cut into the conference room with Tarkin and Vader.

Grand Moff Tarkin: Yes?

Kool-Ala over Intercom: We have a ship in the hanger 84G. It's the same ones that fled Mos Eisley.

Darth Vader: The Rebels must be returning the plans to the princess and her servant. Perhaps she is useful after all.

Next Time:

Chapter 13: Rescuing the Princess


	13. Chapter 13: Rescuing the Princess

Star Wars

Episode IV: A New Hop

Chapter 13: Rescuing the Princess

Darth Vader is outside the Millenium Falcon and talking to an Imperial Officer, who is portrayed by a Doom Monkey.

Doom Monkey Officer: No one aboard, sir. According to the ship's log, all the escape pods have jettisoned and the crew abandoned ship before being captured.

Darth Vader: Get a search party on that ship. I want every part of it checked.

Doom Monkey Officer: Yes, sir.

Darth Vader: I sense something. A presence I've not felt since... That's another popular quote chalked up.

Darth Vader leaves and a search party searches the ship. After a few seconds, a Voodoo Bunny and a Ratnician are shot. Cut to a control room near Hangar 84G. A Stench opens the door and gets knocked out by Chewbacca. The "Voodoo Bunny" shoots a Snipe. The stormtroopers are Han Solo and Luke in disguise. All the heroes enter the room.

Luke: With all your blasting and his hollering, it's no wonder the whole station can hear us.

Han: Bring them on! I can use a challenge, pardner.

R2 plugs into an outlet in the computer.

R2-D2: I've found it! The only way to shut down the tractor beam is to shut down one of the reactors. It should give us a chance to escape.

Obi-Wan: I'll go and shut it down. You guys stay here. And, Luke. The Force will be with you. Always.

Obi-Wan leaves.

C-3PO: Hey, guys! I think we found her!

Chewbacca: Who?

R2-D2: Princess Leia!

Luke: Princess?! Where is she?

C-3PO: She's located on level 5 in detention block AA23. She's scheduled to be terminated.

Luke: Han! We have to rescue her!

Han: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Did you say "Rescue her?" No way! I ain't going!

Luke: You said that you wanted a challenge! Now you're just turning it down?!

Han: Marching into a detention center is not what I had in mind!

Luke: We're going!

Han: No way!

Han, Luke and Chewbacca make their way to the elevators leading to the detention center while Obi-Wan searches for the reactor to the tractor beam.

Han: I cannot believe he talked me into this!

Chewbacca: Think about it! If we rescue her, we'll be filthy rich! We'll have more than enough to pay off Jabba!

Han: Somehow, I keep getting the feeling that I want you to get shot, Chewie.

Chewbacca: Harsh.

The threeve enter the elevator and end up in the detention center. An Imperial Officer, portrayed by Coach Z, approaches them.

Coach Z: Where are you torking this thorng?

Han: What?

Coach Z: Where are you torking this thorng? I ernjory takling to perople all the time. Why just last nighert, I-

Huge gunfight and every Imperial dies. An intercom beeps and Luke goes to find Princess Leia's cell. Han tries to buy Luke time by talking into the intercom.

Koo-Ala over P.A.: What's happened up there?

Han: We had a slight weapons malfunction. But everything's all right. We're fine here now. How are you?

Koo-Ala over P.A.: We're sending a squad up.

Han: Negative, pardner. We have a reactor leak. Give us a minute to lock it down. Large leak. Very dangerous.

Koo-Ala: There's a reactor up there? I've been up there 20 times and I don't remember seeing a reactor up there.

Han: There is one. I'm looking at it as clear as day. In fact-

Han shoots the intercom.

Han: Boring conversation, anyway. Luke, we're gonna have company, pardner!

Luke enters Princess Leia's and Minerva's cell.

Minerva: Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?

Luke: Hey! You know what I had to go through to get here?! Anyway, I'm Luke Skywalker and I'm here to rescue you. I've brought Ben Kenobi here!

Leia: Ben Kenobi?!

Minerva: Where is he?!

Luke: Come on!

The threeve leave.

Next time:

Chapter 14: The Garbage Chute


	14. Chapter 14: The Garbage Chute

Star Wars

Episode IV: A New Hop

Chapter 14: The Garbage Chute

In the conference room, Darth Vader and Grand Moff Tarkin are having a discussion.

Darth Vader: He is here.

Grand Moff Tarkin: Obi-Wan Kenobi? Are you certain about this?

Darth Vader: As certain as a nexu attack. He is here and brought his friends with him.

Grand Moff Tarkin: Impossible. The Jedi are extinct. You are the last one of their kind. Let us not forget that you raided the Jedi Temple on Coruscant and killed everyone inside.

Intercom beeps.

Grand Moff Tarkin: Yes?

Snipe over P.A.: We have an emergency in Detention Block AA23.

Grand Moff Tarkin: The princess? Put all stations on high alert. She must not leave the station!

Cut to the detention center and our heroes are in an all-out gunfight with Imperial stormtroopers. Leia then shoots the hatch leading to the garbage chute.

Leia: Come on! Into the garbage chute.

Leia jumps in. Followed by Minerva and Luke.

Han: Come on, Chewie!

Chewbacca: Are you kidding me? It's probably full of disease. I'm not going!

Han: Not if I throw in your Pinky Bear?

Chewbacca: Hey! Get your hands off of Pinky Bear-

Han: Go get it!

Han tosses Pinky Bear into the garbage chute and Chewbacca goes after it.

Chewbacca: I'm coming, Pinky Bear!

Han dives into the chute

Han: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Eventually, he lands in the garbage with the rest of the crew.

Han: "Jump into the garbage chute! It's safer if we jump into the garbage chute!" I believe those were your exact words?

Leia: There's no way we can get out of here if you keep talking your mouth off like that!

Han: Talking my mouth off? I never intended to rescue you, your Highness! Pretty boy over there suggested that we should rescue you!

Chewbacca: I am pretty.

Han: Did I sound like I was talking to you, furball?! I was talking to the other guy in here!

Minerva: Hey! If it wasn't for him, the princess and I would have been killed! We don't have to take this from a dirty, smelly smuggler like him! Why, for all I care-

Han shoots Minerva.

Leia: You shot my servant!

Han: She was getting on my nerves! Besides, my finger slipped. It's not like I would shoot her on purpose.

All of a sudden, the garbage smashers started moving.

Luke: The walls are moving!

Han: Just when it can't get any worse!

Cut to the room with 3PO and R2.

C-3PO: R2, they're dying! What are we going to do?!

R2-D2: Again, acting melodramatic.

C-3PO: Again, don't need to start this crap again. Can't you do something?

R2-D2: It's always up to me, isn't it?

C-3PO: R2!

R2-D2: Fine! Let me see...cut into the Imperial security databanks...search for detention centers...active garbage smashers-

C-3PO: Or we could turn off the smashers by pushing this "Automatic Garbage Smasher Shutdown" switch.

R2-D2: Where's the fun in that?

3PO pushes the switch and the garbage smashers are deactivated. The heroes have been saved by the droids and the fact that Cortex was the one that installed that switch since he's an idiot.

Next time:

Chapter 15: Escape from the Death Star


	15. Chapter 15: Escape from the Death Star

Star Wars

Episode IV: A New Hop

Chapter 15: Escape from the Death Star

The Death Star's mess hall is where we're starting next. Cortex, N. Gin, Tiny and N. Brio are having lunch.

Cortex: I didn't know we had a mess hall.

N. Gin: Imperials have to eat too, you know.

Cortex: True. Anyway, I want to personally thank those guys in Mos Eisley with the bathrooms. It took us ten hours to find it.

Tiny: I hear you. After holding it in for so long, I kept thinking that my bladder was about to explode.

N. Brio: Uh, didn't it seem weird that the droids those guys had were the same droids we were looking for?

Cortex: No, not really.

N. Gin: No.

Tiny: Can't say that I have.

N. Brio: Must be my imagination.

N. Gin: Yeah. Wait a minute! How can you have an imagination? We're stormtroopers! We don't _have_ imaginations!

N. Brio: You're right! Am I a traitor to the Empire?!

Tiny: He's a traitor!

A Stench captain is standing next to their table.

Cortex: Captain! N. Brio's a traitor to the Empire! He has an imagination.

Stench: What are you idiots doing here?! Can't you see that the whole station is under lockdown?!

N. Gin: That's why the alarms have been going off and those announcements about a prisoner escaping.

Cortex: Are we supposed to do something?

Stench: Get to your stations, you idiots! If they escape on their ship, pursue them in the TIE Fighters!

Tiny: Speaking of which, have any of you seen the movie _TIE Fighter Down_ with special features and commentary?

Cortex: I thought it was good.

N. Brio: It looked good. The intense action sequences were really epic-

Stench: Get going!!!

Cortex and the others run screaming like little girls. Wimps. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan has reached the power reactor for the tractor beam and shuts it down. A Doom Monkey and a Voodoo Bunny stay near the reactor like in the movie. Obi-Wan uses the Force to distract them and slips by. Soon, Obi-Wan confronts Vader and he wields his lightsaber.

Darth Vader: Obi-Wan Kenobi. We meet again. When I left you, I was but a learner. Now, _I _am the master.

Obi-Wan: Don't act all coy, Vader. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine. Well, that's another famous quote.

The two begin a lightsaber duel. An age old tradition in the lost ways of the Jedi Order.

Darth Vader: Face it. Your powers are weak, old man. I bet you still dream of giant moths haunting you in your sleep.

Obi-Wan: Same goes to you, makeup boy.

Luke notices Obi-Wan as our heroes board the Falcon.

Luke: Ben?

Obi-Wan notices Luke and looks back at Vader smiling.

Darth Vader: Huh?

Obi-Wan held his lightsaber high and closed his eyes.

Darth Vader: What are you doing? Aren't you going to...You know what? I'm gonna end this. If you're not going to fight. I'm going to end this.

Vader kills Obi-Wan.

Luke: No!!

Luke's scream alerts the stormtroopers and starts another gunfight. Luke flees to the Millenium Falcon and we cut to the cockpit with Han and Chewbacca.

Han: I hope that old man shut down the tractor beam or else this will be a real short trip. Okay, hit it!

The Millenium Falcon takes off and escapes from the Death Star. Back in the hangar, the Strong Bad mind probe tries to go after it.

Mind Probe: Wait! I've decided to give you another chance! Don't leave me here with The Cheat Mouse-Bot.

The Cheat Mouse-Bot shows up next to him.

The Cheat Mouse-Bot: Angry The Cheat noises.

Mind Probe: Don't get all snippy with me, you squeaky-yellow robot...mouse...thing. She was the only hot inmate that ever set foot in this station!

The Cheat Mouse-Bot graps a nearby metal pole and wedges it in the mind probe's eye.

Mind Probe: Owww! I just got the needle taken out of my eye and you wedge a pipe in me?! That's it! No more Fluffy Puff Death Stars for you!

Next Time:

Chapter 16: Yavin 4


	16. Chapter 16: Yavin 4

Star Wars

Episode IV: A New Hop

Chapter 16: Yavin 4

Inside the Millenium Falcon, Luke is grieving over Obi-Wan's death and Leia tries to comfort him.

Luke: I can't believe he's gone.

Leia: He would've wanted it this way.

Han enters.

Han: Come on, kid. We're not out of the woods yet.

The two rush to the gun turrets in the ship like in the movie and prepare themselves for an imminent attack.

Han: Here they come!

Four TIE fighters come at them and they crash into each other and blow up.

Luke: They crashed into each other!

Han: But why?

Luke: Oh, I get it. Cortex and his idiot henchmen were flying them.

Han: Not really what happened in the movie, but that works. Man, those guys are dumb.

A few hours later, the Millenium Falcon heads for Yavin 4 and is about to land on a planet. A rebel sentry watches the ship. Cut to an ancient temple that acts as the Rebels' base of operations. Inside, there are X-Wings and Y-Wings and various Rebel pilots and personnel. R2 plugs into the outlet connected to a big screen and lots of Rebel pilots are sitting. Schematics of the Death Star show up. A Rebel leader, portrayed by Strong Sad, is speaking to the pilots.

Strong Sad: The Imperials have built a station to prevent any capital ships from causing any damage to the station. However, a small one-manned fighter might be able to get through. Since the Empire doesn't consider our fighters to be a threat, it gives us an advantage.

On the schematics, it shows a trench in the Death Star that leads to an exhaust port. Of course, you probably knew that since you know how the movie goes.

Strong Sad: According to the schematics brought in by Princess Leia-

Leia: You're welcome!

Strong Sad: We have discovered a weakness in the station. This picture shows a trench in the Death Star. You are to fly through this trench and skim the area to this point. The target is a small thermal exhaust only two meters wide.

Pilots are murmuring.

Strong Sad: The shaft leads to the reactor system. A precise hit will start a chain reaction, which should destroy the station. Only a precise hit can start a chain reaction.


	17. Chapter 17: Death Star Attack

Star Wars

Episode IV: A New Hop

Chapter 17: Death Star Attack

In the depths of space near Yavin, the Rebels are preparing their attack on the Death Star which will determine the fate of the Rebellion. The pilots begin to sign off.

Rogue leader, portrayed by Hunter: All wings, report in.

Red Three: Red Three, standing by.

Red Six: Red Six, standing by.

Red Nine: Red Nine, standing by.

Wedge Antilles, portrayed by Spyro: Red Two, standing by.

Red Eleven: Red Eleven, standing by.

Luke: Red Five, standing by.

Rogue Leader: Lock S-Foils in attack positions.

All X-Wings are now in attack positions.

Rogue Leader: Let's blast some Imperials!

All: YEAH!!

On the surface of the Death Star, turbolasers are firing at the Rebel squadron to protect their station from total destruction. Inside the Death Star, Lord Vader is confronted by a Doom Monkey.

Doom Monkey: We count thirty Rebel ships. Our turbolasers are having trouble destroying them.

Darth Vader: We'll have to destroy them ship-to-ship. Get your best men to your fighters.

Doom Monkey: Yes, sir.

Outside, a transmission is heard from Rebel H.Q.

Rebel Officer over P.A.: Squad leaders, we've located a new group of signals. Enemy fighters are heading your way.

Rogue Leader: Here they come!

TIE Fighters appear and a huge dogfight occurs. Some fighters have been destroyed as well as some X-Wings. Back inside the Death Star, Lord Vader approaches an Eel-lectric pilot and a Bat-tler pilot.

Darth Vader: Several fighters have broken off from the main group. Come with me.

The three depart. Darth Vader is in his TIE Advanced and the two pilots are his escorts. Inside the TIE Advanced.

Darth Vader: Stay in attack formation. By the end of this day, we will put an end to this petty attack.

Vader blasts almost every Rebel ship above the surface and in the trench. Hunter has been shot down as well. It was all up to Luke to destroy the Death Star. He, Wedge and Biggs fly down the trench and Vader is close behind. The Eel-lectric opens fire and hits Wedge.

Wedge: I'm hit! I have to get out of here or else I'll be destroyed.

Wedge retreats. Back inside the TIE Advanced.

Darth Vader: Let him go. Stay on the leader.

Soon, Biggs was shot down and Luke was the last one left. All of a sudden, Obi-Wan's voice is heard.

Obi-Wan: Use the Force, Luke. Let go, Luke. Luke, trust me. It's going to pay off in a big way if you use the Force.

Inside the TIE Advanced.

Darth Vader: The Force is strong with this one. Either that or I'm going crazy.

Vader shoots R2.

R2-D2: Owwww!!! This is _not_ what I signed up for!

Back to the TIE Advanced. Vader has Luke locked on.

Darth Vader: I have you now. Well, that's another quote.

Vader fires and the Bat-tler fighter is destroyed.

Darth Vader: What the crap?!

The shot was fired by Han Solo in the Millenium Falcon. The Eel-Lectric pilot flies into the TIE Advanced and Darth Vader is spinning away from the Death Star.

Han over P.A.: You're all clear, pardner! Let's blow this thing and go home!

Luke fires the proton torpedoes into the exhaust port, the remaining Rebels flee from the Death Star and the Death Star explodes. Cut to the Millenium Falcon.

Han: Great shot, kid! That was one in a million!

Obi-Wan: Remember, the Force will be with you. And I told you it would pay off in a big way.

As for Darth Vader...

Darth Vader: Oh, God. I think I'm about to puke. Is there a bucket near here?

Darth Vader escapes to find a bucket.

Next Time:

Chapter 18: Victory


	18. Chapter 18: Victory

Star Wars

Episode IV: A New Hop

Chapter 18: Victory

After a few congratulations, Han Solo, Luke and Chewbacca are in the main hall of the Rebel base with every Rebel troop. Like in the movie, the three walk down the aisle and Han Solo and Luke Skywalker earn medals for their bravery against the Empire and for destroying the Death Star. As they face the crowd, the Rebels give a thunderous applause as they welcome the new members of the Rebel Alliance. After a few seconds, several police officers come in.

Police Officer: Are you Luke Skywalker?

Luke: Yes?

Police Officer: You're under arrest.

Luke: What?! Why?

Police Officer: The Tusken Raider that you kept scaring on Tatooine filed a lawsuit against you. As you know, it's in their nature to attack anyone that enters their territory. You're going to jail for a long time.

Luke: Aw, come on! We were about to start Episode V!

Police Officer: Let's go.

The police take Luke in chains and is sent to jail for about two years. Which means I won't start Episode V until everything's straightened out.

I hope that you enjoyed the first episode of the original Star Wars Trilogy starring Crash Bandicoot. Once everything's straightened out with the police, I'll start Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out. Let's have Crash Bandicoot sing the Star Wars theme during the credits before he goes to jail. Also, be on the lookout for some new characters in the next episode. I won't tell you who it is yet, but I have a feeling that you'll like them. Especially the person that plays Boba Fett.


End file.
